Funny how it's the little things that start the waterfalls. . . . .
After the funeral home came and took moms body away, the family came out to the garage which we use as a family room. . . .chairs and tables all around. The rain started, just a nice cooling rain -in this drought, we felt it was symbolic of her saying goodbye to us . . about to eat breakfast and Seu - the oldest of the children started to talk. . . we all looked to the spot that mommy normally sits and then it really sunk in she's really gone. Tears flowing the whole time. As he spoke about feeling lost and wanting for us to do our best to make her final arrangements all that she had wished. . . .he didn't go into the normal business of I'm the oldest you will do this type of thing. . . .he just said as her children we need to make it right. . .didn't talk about the normal FA Samoa custom where all the kids have to give this much money or anything stressful like that. He just said he knew that money is tight right now and if we work together we can do it and make her proud. There was such a sweet spirit in the meeting. It was hard to think of how we could afford everything or how we will plan a service that she could be proud of, but the desire was planted in everyone of us to do whatever we could to make her dreams a reality. .. knowing full well if we could do this, we could and would stay even closer as a family!
We left in the morning to go home, shower and get a little rest. . . Met with the funeral home. they were really nice and very respectful. looked for every discount and tried to give us every idea possible to lessen the cost of the funeral without lessening the respect for mom. Thought I was strong enough. . . the tears had dried, still greatful for the plan of salvation and knowing that I will see her again soon. . . . we were about a mile away from her home and I smiled to myself thinking, We are almost there, I can't wait to see mom - then I thought stupid she's gone. . . .she wont be there sitting in the garage waiting as we pulled up and that was all it took. . . .
Throughout the evening we kept busy doing different things around the house. But later in the evening I had a free moment so I went into Mommys room. .. sat in the rocking chair that I had been in many times during the past few days and just took a moment to miss her. . . I could still smell her and even feel her presence if that is possible. Didn't cry then. . . just felt happy for her. Gone to a place with no pain, no hurt, no worry. . . and probably in the middle of a reunion with the many people that have passed that she misses soooooo much.
I took forward to that day of my reunion with her and others that I miss.