She's Gone

Kemu fell asleep and I didn't have the heart to wake her up. . . I started watching church videos on youtube. . She got up every 1/2 hour to see that I was still with mom. I decided that I could stay awake until 2:30 and then I would wake her up. Suddenly about 10 minutes to the goal moms breathing went slow. . . I thought, "did I see that right" I watched her breathe one more time and then woke Kemu to tell her.. . . immediately she said call everyone in. Tash was awake so I told her first, then I woke Lina, then I went outside and woke all the boys, Ako, Miah, Lincon, then Noka. By the time I came back to her room she was gone. Peaceful, no struggle, quiet. They were all in shock, she had waited until everyone was sleeping, She wanted to go without fan fair. . . with out crying children. . . .without troubling everyone. 2:24am she peacefully left this world to a better one.

What a fighter

Wow, it's almost mid-night and mom is still with us. . . I almost want to say that she is better than she was just a few hours earlier. . .

Enoka and I went home to shower and grab the necessities to stay longer and when we came back it is almost like she is back to breathing like she was a few days ago and the spit up is gone.

What a day. . . when the nurse said she could go in the next 4 hours, the entire family came together. . I left work early and we each had some time with her. Everyone telling her how much they love her and will miss her and thanking her for our lives. . . we all sang for a few hours and now we are all sleeping over. Well most are sleeping - as I am an outsider of sorts. . I waited until now to have my alone time with her. I am glad because Kemu hasn't slept at all this week and she has actually been asleep for a few minutes (doesn't sound like much but believe me it is)

I was amazed at how well so many people could work together without fuss or trouble. Lots of crying of course, but mostly singing and praising the lord. For awhile there we were singing every Church song she knew but we slowly ran out of songs and it was way past time for dinner. Although I include myself with the entire family, I only knew the words to 3 of the many songs that were offered up to the Lord.

At one point in the afternoon, we started to reminisce about mommy and what we will forever miss. One of the greatest things will be the UH football games. . . when Uriah (oldest grandchild) played for UH we were at every home game. . . got broke doing it, but we were there. When he graduated, we started buying the season games on TV. Every game night (or day) we would lug the huge TV into the garage and everyone would bring food and we would cheer for our team. . (win or loose) until the very end. . Passing around sunflower seeds, drinks, candy, food. . sometimes we would even bbq. Mom was the first one out everytime. Noka and I could show up around 2 pm for a 6pm kick off and there she was sitting on the couch with her table in front of her waiting for everyone to show. Yes we will all miss pulling up to the house and seeing her outside waiting for us.

We also began her final arrangements and that was a little hard on everyone. No one really wanted to think about it because she is still with us - technically. . and I only use that term because as we have been told the entire body has officially shut down except for her brain. Even being told this, I know like I've never before understood, that there is a distinct difference between body and spirit. . .It's hard to explain but awesome to witness that her body is tired, and dying, and lifeless. . . yet her spirit is strong and fighting this death with every breath she takes. As difficult as this is to watch, I am grateful for the experience. It has helped me understand more about the plan of salvation in a way that I never could have before.

update. . ..

Just heard, the family is gathering now. . .

they expect her to pass in the next few hours. . .I'll write more when I can.

Special Moments

Yesterday mom was great. Back at home in her new bed and everyone so happy to see her resting peacefully. Lina and Don spent the day, Ako and Kemu were at mom's side. And Tash was there too when we arrived. They let me have some time alone with her and I chatted some about the plan of salvation. I asked her if she was surrounded by Dad and Tina and the others already gone. I sang to her some of my favorite songs, and just held her hand.

Later, we gathered for Prayer and Song with those present. Ako prayed. It was a sweet prayer asking the father to let her know that we love her and to take her pain away. Enoka led us in one of her favorite songs. . .and then when it was over, we turned on the lights and she had tears in her eyes. It was a really special moment for children who have been waiting for any sign that she is still here with us, and that she can hear what is going on around them.

For the most part of the evening each of the children were talking about things that she had mentioned to them regarding the time that she leaves this mortal existence. Kemu was concerned with the way she wanted the garage. . .she had purchased lattice and wanted it nailed to the sides. . . Enoka was feeling a little bad because we never found the furniture that she wanted to have when people come to visit. Ako keeps reminding everyone that all Mommy has ever wanted is for everyone to get along. I must admit they are all a little worried that the oldest brother will bully them into something that they don't want but they are all getting together so that if it happens they will have a united front. I am just praying that it dosen't happen.

But getting back to the good parts. . .as I was leaving for the 2nd time yesterday. . .I was saying my goodbyes and telling mom I'll see her tomorrow. . .when I was walking away she let out the loudest grunt sound. . .Kemu and I laughed saying that she wanted to say goodbye too and I happily walked out to the car.

Lincon arrived at one this morning and Enoka and I went to pick him up. He was anxious because flights had been over booked and delayed. . .he understood that we had very little time left. We went back to moms and again visited for a few minutes and then got ready to go. . it was already 2 in the morning. When Lincon finally spoke to her as we were walking to the front door. . .He said, "Mom I'm home, It's Lincon" Immediately she gave this loud grunt, just as she had before with me. He then said, "Mommy I love you" and she started coughing like she was trying to clear her throat and then gave a long grunt again. That brought tears to my eyes. . . .It confirmed to me that she could still hear and recognize, even though physically she couldn't respond in a manner that we were used to.

Love you Mom!

Memories. . .

Yesterday we all got called to the hospital, my mom (in law - never felt like an in law, just like a mother. . .) has been fighting pancriatic cancer since 2007. They have turned their attention from fighting the cancer to "comfort care" she will go home today under hospice for the duration of her time here on earth. . . . I gathered with the rest of the family members and we sang and prayed, and I felt a little guilty because I didn't cry. Instead I thought about how my life has been since I met her. . . .

and so my story begins:

Enoka and I met at a new years eve party Dec. 31, 1999. . . first official date was on February 16, 2000. . . . just a few days later Rosie Ika (cousin) and I were cruising to Waimanalo to look for a Tongan church when his van pulled along side us. He told me to follow him home. . . .He was bringing him mom home from church. We pulled up on the street in front of his home, and he came to the car, grabbed my hand and marched me right up to his mom. She didn't want to meet me. She walked straight to the back of the house and started to change her clothes. . .Enoka wouldn't have it. . .he grabbed her hand, turned her around, and forced her to meet me.

This was not the way I envisioned ever meeting a parent of a date but there you have it. . .one shy Laie girl, shaking hands with an older Samoan woman who was yelling something in Samoan and looking upset with me, the situation and everyone around her. One of the most awkward moments of my life.

A few days later Enoka called me and asked that I come pick him up. He had gotten drunk and his brother Seu and sister Tina were kicking him out of the house. . . .at this point I thought. . .what the heck did I get myself into. . .this is going to end tonight. . .

I pulled up to the house and his mom was outside crying this time. When I came, she embraced me. She asked me to be kind to her son. . .it was the first time I heard my favorite story she would ever tell. . .

Enoka is a special child, a miracle. . .she and her husband were working in the family plantation on March 8, 1969 and she went into labor and gave birth to him with no one around. He was so tiny that she knew he wouldn't make it. So tiny Lepelea his father would not hold him. . . she said he fit in the palm of her hand and was small like a mouse. They took him to the hospital and three months later they heard on the radio to come and pick him up. . .he was ready to go home!

Now he's mine.

I'm still learning. . .

So I am constantly being humbled with reminders that the Lord really knows me. . . Who else can sense my pain and bring comfort so quickly? Who else can provide when I didn't even know I was in need? Who else can whisper to my heart, surround me with the spirit, and fill my being with love? Yes Heavenly Father Lives, and I am so blessed to be His daughter!

Politics. . . hmmmm

I've been bombarded with peoples views, comments, and questions about Obama, the health plan, the Governor, congress, and many more political topics. . .I do have an opinion and I'll share it here. The idea that I need to share my thoughts came at a break the fast yesterday. The gentleman sitting next to me (who is running for N.A.'s seat in congress) Tried to strike up a conversation with me by posing the question. . .Aren't you thrilled with the health care reform that the President just signed? I really wanted to punch him but I replied, "I prefer not to discuss that here at church on a Sunday, I'd like to enjoy my dinner."

My problem with the reform and many of the recent events: It's not whether it's good or bad. . . it's the fact that politicians are forgetting that they are representing us. . . actual living, breathing, tax paying citizens. . if 64% of America does not want this then our elected officials have a responsibility to vote accordingly. I don't vote just so they can fly to Washington and forget their promises to the people who put them there. I think when we send them letters and faxes that overwhelming show our concerns and what we would like to see. . . or even ask questions about which direction they are siding with, only to be told, "thank you for your comments, however I am looking at the bigger picture" have forgotten why they were voted in and who put them there.

This brother, who didn't let it end, assumed that I was against the new med reform, and tried to remind me that when medicare and Social Security were greeted with the same type of negative attitude when they first came about. I wanted to tell him, "yeah but did you read on AOL, Social Security is officially bankrupt, 10 years before predicted!" Imagine I've worked for a quarter of a century paying taxes, giving money to Social Security and Medicare just to find that I wont get any of it back.

He went on to Praise Obama, and try to get me to agree that I need to support my leaders. . . I graciously told him, "this is not church, and even if it was, I've been raised not to follow blindly. ..We have been given the gift of the Holy Ghost to know the truth of all things. . .I am not a robot , I search, ponder, pray, and experiment upon the word. Telling someone they need to support someone because they are the elected official is like telling me to jump off a cliff because you did!"

Just because he was voted as President of the US, or any other political leader in any position. . . you don't just sit back and follow even when you don't agree. . .you voice your opinion, by phone calls, letters, meetings, picketing, any way you want (within the legal realms) You let them know what you want or else. . .you aren't allowed to complain! You gave up your rights when you said nothing at all.

I have written my representatives, council members, the "honorable Linda Lingle", and even the Mayor when I want them to know how I feel about laws, issues, and changes that they might be making. . . Everything from homelessness, to same sex union, to fire works! I am just grateful that I have the chance to vote and affect change. I'm glad that when they make the effort to come out into the public and ask for my vote or I bump into them at Sams's Club or a local restaurant, I take the chance to voice my opinion on something. . . They won't ever be able to say they had no idea of my stand on the issue.

When I find a politician that actually has a grasp on the way the people in their area feels and votes according to the majority of those they represent and not according to their own needs and beliefs, then I back them up no matter what. I think too often people go to the polls uneducated, unprepared, and ready to vote for the person whom they recognize on the ballot. I did that once . . . voted the wrong person in and have regretted it since. Even if my choice doesn't win. . at least the winner knows even if 20K voted for him/her, there is another 14k who didn't think he/she was the right person for the job, and that is good enough for me.

Bottom Line: I can't wait for the next elections. . I plan to be active all the way through. . . I made a bunch of promises myself to people who have forgotten who put them in their comfy little job and I plan to vigorously campaign against them!

Honk will ya, if you see me out on the road holding signs!